Hey all! Welcome to my first ever blog entry. I wanted to start this to have an outlet for my opinions and let others know if things are worth the time or money. Today I want to talk about the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie that came out on May 26, 2017. Yes, I know I’m late but I didn’t even have intentions of watching this movie, nothing about it intrigued me BUT when my husband and I got to the theater we were informed that our original choice had been canceled for another movie and since there were no more showings for what we liked and that new movie was sold out we took what we could, we were already there after all.
*WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD*
Okay, so the movie isn’t completely terrible, I enjoyed quite a bit of it. Oh where to start… let’s start with the romance between Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario) and Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites). What was the point? Honestly, I’m getting quite tired of all this romance forced into movies. (My thoughts on Wonder Woman to come). Don’t get me wrong, I love a good romance but I don’t feel like these actions movies NEED it. If they never made the characters “fall in love” after about… 2 whole days… would the movie had changed at all? No! They still needed to work together to achieve a common goal!
Let’s switch gears a bit and talk about Carina’s diary, the diary her father left her when she was abandoned that she based her whole life around, that holds the map no man can read. Okay, a little back story: “Carina sought the Trident to not only prove herself as a scientist but to unravel the mystery of where she came from, discover who her unknown father is, and who she is truly meant to be” – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Activity Pack (p.4). We find out later by Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), the diary was stolen years and years ago so we already know it wasn’t written by her father nor will it tell her where she came from (since he didn’t write it).
ISSUE NUMBER ONE: this one really bothers me, they all do but this one REALLY does. We find out early on that she does not believe the tales and stories told by Henry of the dead coming, (or any mythical or supernatural story at all) SO WHY IS SHE TRYING TO FIND POSEIDONS TRIDENT?! So she believes Poseidon was real but ghost that are coming after them? Nah!
ISSUE NUMBER TWO: The island. They found it, good job. She read the map no man could read and she found the island, while being chased and attacked by Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem) and his undead crew! The fact that not a single person thought to attack the woman that was IN CHARGE OF THE DIRECTION THE SHIP WAS GOING IN is beyond me. Okay, so because no one stopped the person that KNEW WHERE THEY WERE GOING they find the island and just crash into it, (because the dead cannot step onto land) yay they’re safe! Oh boy, this island. It is covered in diamonds, rubys and probably more. I’m sure you can imagine how quick the pirates jumped off the ship and started gathering as much as they could, right? NOPE! They stay on the ship! Not one trying to take a single gem! What kind of pirates are these….
ISSUE NUMBER THREE: Jack, Barbossa and Carina get off the ship and head to a tall rock topped with some ruby, they only ruby that isn’t glowing. She verbally states that this one isn’t glowing and then Barbossa pulls out the ruby that was on the diary and says “finish it”. She does and of course it worked and BOOM the water parts and leads a path to the trident. So here’s where my issue is, how did Barbossa know that’s what needed to be done? Had he been there before? He made it clear earlier that he knew the diary had been stolen from the original owner… BACK STORY TIME! Okay, so apparently Barbossa is Carina’s dad! She just doesn’t know it, yet. He left her at an orphanage with the diary hoping the ruby would allow her to take care of herself but instead she grows up living her life by whats in this diary, learning how to tell time and read the stars and eventually found her way back to her father! So knowing this we can gather that Barbossa does not know what secrets the diary held or he would have kept it for himself but instead he gives it to his child so she can use the ruby on it. SO HOW DOES HE KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO COMPLETE THE NON GLOWING RUBY?!
ISSUE NUMBER FOUR: Moving right along, she places the ruby on top and the ocean opens up and only Carina and Jack fall down leaving Barbossa up top. Why doesn’t he jump down with them? I mean, he knows that’s his daughter so why not go after her? Carina and Jack follow to path along the ocean floor and find the trident. Yay. After some battling ensues they figure out that the trident needs to be broken in order for all sea curses to be broken. Cool, so they break it and Captain Salazar and his crew come back to…life? Okay hang on.
ISSUE NUMBER FIVE: Back story, Captain Salazar and his crew were pirate hunters trying to rid the seas of pirates and almost succeeded until one last ship started taunting him. You guessed it, it was Jack Sparrow. Jack led Salazar and his crew into the Devil’s Triangle where Salazar and his crew met their demise. So, they all died but not really because they were in the Devil’s Triangle. They were cursed to wander the seas as ghosts forever. Back to the trident being destroyed and breaking all curses at sea. Salazar and his crews curse is broken and they all become whole again… wait… shouldn’t they have just… died? In the Devil’s Triangle they all died, some of them so destroyed they ended up being just ghost hands. So you mean the tell me the curse broke and healed them all? It was said it will break all curses not turn back the hands of time and make it so you never died to get cursed in the first place…That doesn’t make sense to me but okay. So Salazar and his crew are alive again, there’s a moment of pure happiness among them that’s ruined by Salazar continuing his hunt for Jack Sparrow… but the curse is broken but whatever he wants revenge.
ISSUE NUMBER SIX: so the walls of water and starting to close again so they all need to find a way out. Unfortunately Salazar’s crew all get washed away so there goes their new life but luckily Jack Sparrow’s crew rides the edge of the water wall and drops the anchor to allow Henry, Jack, Carina with the help of Barbossa. At one point Carina slips and is caught by Barbossa. Carina notices a tattoo on his arm that matches the diary cover. As soon as she realizes who he is HE KILLS HIMSELF! Alright, let me explain that part. Salazar, now back to the land of the living, is still after Jack Sparrow. Barbossa seeing this sacrificed himself by jumping off the anchor with sword in hand, slicing into Salazar, removing him from the anchor and dropping into the water all to safe the others. Okay… but Jack was closer he could’ve just kicked him in the face to get him off… whatever, Barbossa is a hero! Scene ends with Carina stating her name is not Smyth but rather Barbossa, how touching.
ISSUE NUMBER SEVEN: Carina and Henry are standing together on a hillside. Insert unnecessary romance here. Yes, they just had to keep the romance going with them with Henry going in to a kiss and getting slapped (I WISH they would’ve left it at that. Screw the romance we don’t need it!) but no they end up kissing and of course they fall in love and live happily ever after. Yuck. Now the whole reason they are on the hillside is because he’s waiting for his dad, Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) who can now go home since his curse is broken. So… why is Carina there? They could’ve had Henry waiting for him dad and then his mom, Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) runs up and they have their moment. Seems like a family thing to be but… we NEED the romance right?
All in all it wasn’t TERRIBLE but I’m so craving a movie where the female characters don’t fall in love after two days!
Thanks for reading, stay tuned for my Wonder Woman review, other movies, and beauty products. Stay cool.
Until next time,